Alexander's

Ever since our oven stopped working I face a great dilemma. How does one produce "real" pizza without an oven?[^1]

After some time I decided to try microwaved frozen pizza -- after all our microwave has a special pizza program, so why not make use of it.

Sadly just shoving a frozen pizza into the oven leads to a soft, warm and chewy thing that has very little in common with a real pizza.

The manual was no real help as well -- real guys that we are we threw it away before the microwave oven was fully unpacked.

Eventually my little brother Christof -- a learned chef -- had the great idea to place the pizza on a wooden plate instead of a ceramic one. With this little trick the water can escape more easily from under the pizza.

The dough still turns out soft, but at least it doesn't have the consistency of a wet sock filled with hot cheese -- that sticks to the plate.

Spurred along by this great success I decided to refine the process even more.

Along with the manual we also threw away a small tripod that came with the microwave.[^2] Maybe it would work if I simply raised the pizza closer to the grill embedded in the roof of the microwave.

The next try was almost a full success. The contraption converted my pizza into a bone dry, heavily charred lump -- not really eatable but definitely the right idea.

By now we use three small glasses to raise the wooden plate and stop the pizza program exactly two minutes before it ends.

It still doesn't taste like stone-baked pizza, but it comes very close.

[^1]: If any of you have an idea I'd really like to hear it. [^2]: Remember we never read the manual, so we had no idea what this tripod was for.

I'm not a real fan of what I consider to be commercial holidays, but there are exceptions to every rule.

So while some people might drown in an onslaught of heart shaped stickers and kitschy junk, I'll be enjoying hand made chocolate & cookies.

(Sorry but sometimes I have to gloat a bit)

The other day I dropped my pen and it rolled under my bed.

Now I know some might consider that me dropping a pen is more than enough to warrant a full blog post, but honestly this post is not about my pen -- Nor is it about me getting clumsy.

It's about this most wondrous place called under the bed.

For many people it's a place where dirty underwear, half eaten lunch packs and dust balls magically gather. Add a few porn magazines and random dropped stuff to the mix and you get one big smelly monster.[^1]

Even mothers rarely look down there. Maybe some things are just too gruesome -- even for them.

But all of this does not concern me.

I don't hoard stuff,[^2] I don't drop things(!) and as for the dustballs -- I might be a bit sloppy when it comes to cleaning places I can't see, but that's why we have a cleaning lady.

Clearly the space under my bed would be clutter free and sparkling clean!

So when I looked under my bed to pick up my runaway pen, it was with the confidence only a clear consciousness can provide.

But to my great horror I found out that apparently our cleaning lady isn't very fond of cleaning in hard to reach and seldom seen places as well.

Good thing she has only been cleaning for a year or so.

[^1]: Probably the reason why so many children are afraid of monsters under their bed. [^2]: If I don't need something I'll give it away, sell it or just throw it out. Why would I ever keep anything I didn't use in the last year? Chances are I'll not use it in the next year either and I really don't like the clutter.