While reading TIME magazine I stumbled upon an interesting article1 about how kids that get spanked grow up to be more aggressive. Apparently children solve problems by mimicking their parents behaviour and not by listening to what they say — who could have guessed?
Groundbreaking as this insight might be for the average psychology student, it leaves an interesting question — What is the right way to teach children?2
Any method applied should not only stop the child from acting in an unwanted way, it should also set a positive example on how adults are supposed to solve these problems themselves. This raises a much bigger question for me:
How are adults supposed find a consensus, if one party is not willing to listen to logical arguments?3
How do I argue with someone that tells me my point of view is invalid, without giving me any reason? How do I break through that thick skull, without actually breaking it, or damaging the relationship in some other way?
A passive aggressive approach seems to work great, but it will poison a relationship really fast.4 So lately I find myself more and more drawn to the japanese way. Smile, nod and just avoid that person. If I can’t talk rationally with a friend, why talk at all and if I don’t talk why is he still my friend?
But I still wonder isn’t there a better way?
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C Taylor, J. Manganello, S. Lee, J. Rice. Pediatrics, Apr 2010 ↩
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Don’t worry I’m not thinking about getting children anytime soon. I just find it easier to treat other adults like children when they misbehave. ↩
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I should probably watch political debates, but there is little that bores me more than current politics. ↩
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Also would you use passive aggressive methods with children? ↩